feeling odd............

not sure where my emotions are heading................they were heading up.......I'm usually a glass 1/2 full person but as the week progressed it's tettering on the edge.........walking the tight rope....

one thing you get a lot of in a drought is death.........it's something you face all the time when drought is bad........and once an animal dies it stays there is sight for a long time.........a constant reminder and smell........you ride past it to feed the stock or it's one that got stuck in the dam so it's right near the dam when you check it etc...........you get the picture...........and you sort of become a bit immune so to speak........

I had been feeling much better about everything............we had finally been drought declared - government had finally acknowledged that we had been in drought........(I am sure they are idiots and are ignorant but lets not go there) and we have had a few falls of rain on 2 properties but no change at the inlaws still DIRT............now we are in a green drought............looks ok but nothing much for the stock to get hold of............we are still feeding and they are still looking for the feed.............fresh green grass is like you taking laxatives everyday........the feed goes straight thru the stock..........

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A few angels toughed my life............

rain, care and hope can make you feel so much better it is amazing...............and seeing the country come to life with green shoots is something you will never really appreciate or understand unless you have lived thru a drought...........we have some Belgian visitors at the moment and they have a whole new appreciation for rain............the life it breathes not only in the land but in the humans as well............it is something unique and amazing........unable to be measured...........priceless.....

but then there is the other side.............. Late this week we lost another calf and came home to 2 more sick - all different problems........my one eyed sheep I had brought home to the garden (the LAST one) he was my "pet project" - went down hill and I realised what was wrong.......fly strike in an odd spot but it was too late to save him.......... &&& yesterday we got all the cattle in here and vaccinated them........riding around you can see the blue patches happening in the paddock where the grasses are stressing as we didn't strike any storms this week......with a warmer week coming up it will start dying........heading back to square one........ &&& Friday I sold a few more of my heifers..........and a couple of smaller steers...........trying to lighten my numbers............I only have so much hay so if it means I can keep the others for a bit longer off they go......Mr Chooky had them sorted out with the agent on Thursday afternoon............hoping for an inch in a storm Thursday night and I would have kept them but it didn't come..........onto a truck they went............. &&& finally today we mustered and trucked off the heifers we sold last week.........I spoke to the man who brought them on the phone twice today............he sounds lovely and I think they have gone to a good home...............and they will get to have there calves and keep breeding.................... &&& so it's a balancing act here............trying to stay on the tight rope............. I don't want to fall off again..............it was a bit hard to get back on...... &&& I want to thank everyone for there support............blogging has been a distraction and support for me.............. I will continue to try and allow people to understand why I do what I do..............I don't want to swap my life..........I have a good one..........I love doing what we do...........I love the freedom of living and working as we wish........It's a massive challenge in so many ways when in drought.........somehow we will survive and get thru..........I am not looking for sympathy writing this..............it's just how I feel at the moment..........everyone goes thru ups and downs............this down is just taking a bit more work to get thru......as there is more going on then the drought but that's life isn't it........I will get there.........eventually....... .........take care til next time.....Chookyblue.........